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Meghan Aileen

On a Journey to Create, Be Well & Thrive. Join Me.
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I believe fear can be our most powerful emotion. Its stronger than hate because I think most of that stems from fear. It gives life to anger. It's sneaky and manipulative. It can even be stronger than love and many times keep us from it. In my experience, our emotions live or originate in certain parts of our body. In our hearts, heads and our gut. We experience them strongest in that part of us. Fear is tricky. I think it lives in our gut AND our heads which makes it all the more confusing as most of us trust our gut above all. Even if we don't realize it. On top of that our heads are powerful...capable of all sorts of justifications and excuses. The combination is enough to keep even the most reasonable human paralyzed. Fear is mostly taught, whether it be from experience or lecture. Sometimes unknowingly and even with the best intentions. And the earlier it starts and how often it is reinforced make it harder to overcome. But in the words of Will Smith "God puts the best things in life on the other side of terror." I've jumped out of an airplane twice. Both times as confident as I was to do it I still needed the guy behind me to push me off at the last second. In fact they push you off at the count of 2 instead of 3 knowing you may try to resist out of fear on 3. There are times in our lives when we decide to jump and need a push at the last second. And times we are too scared to even get on the plane. The worst thing about fear is that it keeps us from the good we are meant for. If we take a leap there is a risk of failure for sure. But there is a chance for something amazing. If we are too scared to even try we are guaranteed to stay where we are at best. In reality the most dangerous thing to do is to not look below the surface for our fears. They hide well beneath anger, sadness and reasoning. And if left unchecked, can control your entire life keeping you from the beauty you deserve. But the best thing we can do is to look them straight in the face, acknowledge them, figure out their origin, and tell them to fuck off. Because generally the bigger the risk, the better the pay-off. Continue reading in comments.....
The last few weeks I've felt like I was on an episode of some kind of mix between Dirty Jobs, a home improvement show and Punk'd. I've been covered in garbage, paint, sealant, dirt, manure and slime. Doing work without the proper tools and not enough time. Today I broke up hard clay ground, raked over 100ft of rocks at least twice, fertilized, seeded and strawed my yard with nothing but a rake and a hoe and my own two hands. While tending to my kid and trying to keep my chickens from ruining my hard work. 🐔 God is currently teaching me to rely only on Him and myself. I see it very clearly and am not entirely happy about it. But I know it's important. The physical labor I've been doing all by myself is a tangible manifestation of this and as frustrating and tiring as it is, I am grateful for it. With all I've been through the last couple years one of the important lessons as a woman I've learned is how important it is to set yourself up to be able to support yourself both financially and emotionally, as well as physically being able to take care of shit yourself. Having a partner for 15 years I lost track of some of that. And while I do want a partner in life, I feel it's important to not "need" one. At the point I was about to lose it today while I was watering half the yard with a freakin watering can, it rained. God showing me He is still there. Believe what you will but He does things like that all the time if we are paying attention. Everyone's life works out differently and we are all on our own path. I am trying hard to be happy for those that are in a different place accepting that this is where I am suppose to be at this moment and realizing that things could change for any of us at any given time. In the mean time...I will do my best to set myself up to "be ok" whatever direction my path takes. Photo by the talented Fiona Schirmer. 5yrs. #selfhelp #mindfulness #divorce #yardwork #homeownership #dirtyjobs #godisgood #god
The sunset light while it was storming was so creepy and painterly through my car window. #findthebeautyinthestorm
I bought this guitar almost 20 years ago, played it for a few months then didn't touch it until last year. During my divorce I needed a creative outlet that was not tied to how I pay my bills. I started painting at 8 years old and have always done visual art in some way. But I made that my job at 21 yrs old and it has been ever since. While I still love it, and am so grateful to be able to make a living doing what I love, I wanted something else. I have always needed an artistic release for my overly sensitive self. A way to get what's inside out. So I broke out this old guitar and started to teach myself. Learned a few covers then started writing my own songs. I don't know if they are any good and I love the fact that it really doesn't matter if they are. It's purely an outlet for me to explore with no pressure, no agenda. I always have an agenda. Always. For the first time in probably almost 20 years I have something I'm doing just out of pure love, expression and release. Music is like medicine for me. Whether it's other people's music or my own it heals, it's cathartic and inspirational. It takes you back in time or allows you to be present in the moment. It can make being alone full of purpose or create a connection with others like nothing else. For this. I am so grateful. Rock on. What's your outlet?